I’m a go to source for homework. Math and science always come to me. Usually projects like making board games or posters go to my wife. She’s a crafty one. Occasionally, a Language Arts assignment will come my way. This weekend, one came that was right up my alley.
The 13-year-old was sitting at the dining room table working on homework. I was upstairs in the kitchen…doing something. I have no idea what it was. Through the window from the dining room to the kitchen, she looks up at me and says, “Who would win in a fight, Thor or Superman?” I had no clue why she was asking or what this could possibly have to do with whatever homework she was working on. “Huh?” I said. She repeated the question. “What does that have to do with anything?” I replied. “It’s for Language Arts. We have to write about who would win,” she said. It had to include arguments for both sides. So we started our list.
Thor vs Superman:
Really, it depends on which Superman we’re talking about (assuming we’re going on movie Superman.)
I could beat the Brandon Routh Superman.
The new Superman would bore Thor to death.
Christopher Reeve would give Thor a run for his money. Too close to call.
Superman’s battle arsenal:
- He can fly
- He’s really fast. Like, faster than a bullet
- He also has x-ray vision, which he could use, I don’t know, to see what color underwear Thor is wearing, I guess
- He has heat vision
- Under most circumstances, he is near invincible
- This is dependent on where the battle is taking place. If it is on Earth, Superman can take advantage of his powers fueled by the yellow sun on our planet. If it takes place elsewhere, it is essentially the same as me fighting Thor. No contest.
- Were Thor able to somehow get his hands on some Kryptonite, again, it would be the same as me fighting Thor. Not good. Superman has to hope Thor doesn’t know where to find “that diamond thing,” as the 13-year-old called it.
Thor is a god. This grants him certain powers that aren’t as easily taken away as Superman’s.
More specifically, he is the god of lightning. This means he can call upon it at any point to do his bidding. I don’t think we’ve ever seen exactly what kind of effect this would have on Superman. But I’m thinking it wouldn’t be great.
Thor has Mjölnir. His hammer. His hammer gives Thor the ability to fly. This negates Superman’s power of flight, bringing us back to a level playing field.
Mjölnir can be thrown, allowing Thor to inflict some pretty serious damage from afar. It also has boomerang-like properties, allowing it to score hit points coming and going. I don’t know how Mjölnir compares to a speeding bullet, so I don’t know how well Superman could dodge it.
Superman’s only hope would be to separate Thor from his hammer, taking away most of his fighting ability. Not so fast, though. Thor can summon Mjölnir to his had from just about anywhere. We know how useful this can be, say, if you were suspended upside down in ice about to be eaten by some snow creature.
Finally, and probably most important, is something few aside from the 13-year-old would think of. “Thor has that long hair. He could use it to whip Superman with.” Ah, yes. That long, luxurious hair. Perhaps, Thor’s most valuable asset.
So, there it is. Arguments for and against Thor and Superman.
(I have no idea how her essay actually turned out. One can only hope it stayed true to our discussion.)