Just don’t do it


I’m a man of average build. By that, I mean I’m not embarrassed to take my shirt off at the pool. I’m in decent enough shape, especially considering I don’t really do anything to maintain my shape. (Given my past forays in exercising, it’s understandable.) And I enjoy a pint or two of ice cream now and then. However, I am obviously not  as comfortable with my body as some others. You know who I’m talking about. These guy who are average, or “more” than average who like to partake in outdoor activities topless.

Runners are the most frequent offenders. I don’t know if they think they look hot. Or they are hot. Thermally speaking. I realize the majority of the people you pass are unlikely to know you or ever see you again. They are equally unlikely to be impressed by your sweaty, glistening chest hair as you jog past. Please, please, look into those quick-dry shirts that whisk the sweat from your body. They not only perform surprisingly well, they spare the eyes of those around you. It’s amazing what science can do.

Also, you should never, never mow your lawn with your shirt off. These are your neighbor’s we’re talking about, guys. They have to see you every day. It’s hard to look you in the eyes once they have witnessed this side of you. You’re making everyone uncomfortable.

If you are one of the people to whom I am referring, you know you shouldn’t be doing it. Unless you’re one of those guys who is absolutely ripped. Even them, you really shouldn’t do it. You’re just making the rest of us normal looking guys look bad. We would appreciate if you would stop.

Ladies, feel free to proceed however you want.

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