We have been getting emails from people in our neighborhood telling us that there have been sightings of a family of coyotes in the neighborhood. Now, I live in a neighborhood with its fair share of older people. I can only imagine that these emails are freaking out those older people. Or, rather, they would be freaking out the older people if the older people had, or knew how to check their email.
We have been warned to keep our dogs inside. (I only have a singular dog, not a plural dogs. I was using the royal “we” and “our.” My singular dog is more than plenty for me, what with the 17 kids and all.) Judging by the way my dog tears off the arms and legs of people, I’m sure she can defend herself against these vicious predators. (It should be noted that the people in question here are mainly of a “doll” type nature. But I’m not talking about any type of doll. These are usually the miniature Barbie-type doll that my 4-year-old holds so dear.)
I have taken the long way home each time I go out, in hopes of spotting these exotic animals. I have had no luck. However, when I was in the kitchen this morning, i noticed something in the back yard. I went to investigate.
This seems to be some sort of trap placed in my backyard. And the “Free Birdseed”… They are obviously some sort of magnetic BBs or something. I was easy able to tell this after eating only about 7 or 8 of them.
I’ve also noticed that my new neighbor “Ted,” who could clearly use a shave, has put a lot of ACME boxes in the recycling lately. I’m not sure what that’s about, or if it is related, but is is clearly odd.
It was as I walked out to the car that I realized the “Free Birdseed” was a ruse, meant to distract me. There was a branch on my roof, hanging precariously. I thought, “I can easily jump up and grab this branch from the roof, which is nowhere near any trees, and it has no place there.” I jumped as high as I could and stretched to grab it. I missed. I only jumped once. As I landed, it occurred to me that this was the actual trap. How else do you explain the hole directly below it? This hole was obviously too big for a chipmunk to have dug.
Touché, “Ted.” You almost got me.