I’m just not sure how well this plan was thought through

Bees. Bees are dumb creatures. They serve no real purpose. Aside from the honey thing. Frankly, I don’t consume enough honey to make keeping these pests around. Oh yeah, and the pollinating plants thing that breeds new plants. Plants provide oxygen. I do consume my fair share of oxygen.

Bees, like most creatures, have developed a defense mechanism to protect them from those that may prey on them. Birds. Lizards. Birds. Animated stuffed bears. Human feet. Some change color. Some resemble a less desirable species of the same order. But not the bee. The bee is armed with a weapon. We’ll call it the “butt spear.”

Unlike their more evolved cousin, the wasp, bees’ butt spears are barbed. This makes it harder to remove the butt spear from the flesh of those who wish to do the bee harm (or just happen to be walking innocently through their backyard when one of these vicious butt spear warriors decides to attack). Whereas wasps, after stinging whatever it is they feel is worthy of their wrath, are free to use their butt spears to repeatedly attack their foe. This has made wasps cocky. Sometimes going as far as to sting an innocent child only to fly up into the sky and dive onto another, equally innocent child and sting him on his fingernail (True story. On the fingernail. I mean, really. Who does that?), or destroying brand new kitchen appliances.

A side effect of the barbedness of the bees’ butt spears is sadly(?) tragic. After defending themselves or their hive, the barbs hook into the flesh of the attacker/backyard walker. As the bee lifts its butt to fly away, the butt spear is violently ripped from the bee’s body. This pulls with it the poison sac, which is almost literally like pouring salt on a wound, to inflict more pain on the would-be assailant.

The violent separation of internal organs from the bee’s abdomen brings about the death of the bee. The very death the bee was likely trying to prevent by employing its butt spear. So, I guess there is a silver lining, of sorts.


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